When I first became a mom two years ago, it was wonderful, beautiful and scary. I had no idea what I was doing. So I did what I always do when I am faced with a new challenge...head to the library! (Of course, now sometimes this is replaced with a trip to the very knowledgable Dr. Google.) I read almost every book in our library about babies, particularly the issue of baby sleep.
One book in particular promised that if I kept Ariella on a schedule, she would sleep through the night (which happens to be the holy grail of parenting in case you didn't know) at a very young age. So, naively I put my 6 week old baby on a pretty strict schedule and hopefully waited for the sleeping magic to occur.
Not only was I really worried about Ariella's schedule, but the state of affairs in our house was getting to me as well. I could not for the life of me figure out why adding one tiny person to our family equaled mountains of dirty laundry! I was used to being able to get the house clean in a few hours on Sunday and only having to do dishes and a few spot cleaning things throughout the week. Babies aren't born with the idea that mommies have to clean and cook as well as cater to their every need.
Well, as you can probably tell from my tone, the baby schedule never really magically turned into more sleep. We had to work on that with other methods. And the housework, well, hmmm...it somehow gets done most of the time.
Now that Ilana is here, I have both girls on a very flexible routine and try to focus more on the truly important aspects of parenting children. I have found that if I get the dishes done immediately after a meal and make sure to do one load of laundry from start to finish six days a week, the rest of the cleaning is pretty manageable, even with two little ones.
As I was reading the Scriptures recently, I was struck with how this same struggle was part of women's lives even in Yeshua's time. When Martha saw that her sister Mary wasn't helping out with the "things that need to be done", but rather was sitting listening to Yeshua, she complained to Him. She probably thought He would agree with her and maybe even commend her on her servant's heart. However, He replied, "Mary has chosen the right thing, and it can't be taken away from her."
Those words hit me hard. Now I know that Yeshua was referring to the spirituality of what Mary was doing, but I think there's also an application in parenting.
When our children are grown, what will they (and we) remember and cherish? Not how clean our house was or how orderly our days were or even how early they slept through the night. No, it will be the memories of the precious time we spent with them - playing with them, reading to them, just delighting to be in their presence.
I've been convicted of this more and more the past few months. How much time do I actually give my undivided attention to my husband and both of our precious girls? Last week I decided to take a fast from Facebook and Babycenter (an online parenting discussion board) and uninstalled both apps from my phone to decrease the temptation. It has been an amazing week. My husband and I had great talks we've been needing to have, Ariella and I got to make challah bread together twice and I've spent hours just cooing and giggling back and forth with Ilana. Priceless. These are the things that cannot be taken away from me.
In the end, as mothers and wives we have to have a good balance of Martha and Mary. I had been too much of a Martha for a very long time. We do have a lot to do, but we also need to stop and just focus on the precious people God has placed in our lives. As one person I know says, "You are raising a human being, not managing an inconvenience."
My own mother was a great example of both Mary and Martha. Our house was hardly ever spotless, but never truly dirty either. My sister and I always were the "lucky ones" with the fun mom. If we were at a birthday party, my mom would be the one playing with the kids. When we went to the beach, the other moms would work on their tans while their children played a few feet away. Not my mom. She was building "drip castles" with us. Mom, if you read this, I want you to know that means much MUCH more than any housekeeping job or executive position ever could. Lord, help me to focus on the eternal...nourishing the souls of my children and husband.
